Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me………..was lost……was blind, but now I see…….
I wish: to maintain an awareness of my blessings…..the sweet and the salty, the smooth and the rough….those that understand me and those that perplex me still…..each and every twist and turn teaches me….teaches me what I wish for and what I push against; all worthwhile lessons. When the day is done, I continue to strive for acceptance….this song, it’s one of my favorites.
I wish: I could tell you that perspective came easy for me—I was a slow learner in matters of the heart and still am at times; some things might always confuse me. I forget.
I wish: to savor the joys of my world….to instill in my family a sense of their worth, their importance and my acceptance of their individual natures….this is easier some days that others. I forget.
I wish: for peace, patience and for graceful responses to all of life’s presentations.
“She soon learned, though, that giving weight to other people’s opinions was creative nihilism; it was like being banished from the Land of No Words and exiled to the Land of All Bullshit.”
A quiet, quaint and cozy fort…time to connect with friends old and new…these are things I am wishing for. Gone are the days where personal freedom was simple, a colorful growing family does that….creativity is important in my work and in my personal life, in carving out opportunities to rejuvenate my soul…doesn’t this space seem so perfect for a lil respite…an overnight stay…it would be lovely to hear you knock and stop in for iced tea and shared laughter.
I do have more outdoor visuals to share, so I will be returning soon. Have a lovely day….take a moment to connect to your heart, your vision…to make space for what you wish for.
‘not to worry because worry is useless in times like these’…an ongoing challenge for me.
i love this song, ‘where there is a man and there is no voice, there i shall go singing’…..one of my challenges, one of many, is exerting my voice, my power, my authority in my life, my business. i’m cool if my opinion aligns with yours, but if it differs, and if it is an important topic, i struggle. in recent years, i’ve realized that rather than wade through the waters of holding my truth in the light, i stuff it, unless i simply can’t bear to, especially if it only affects me. many people don’t want to hear anything except what they believe…what their perception is. and many of those same people have such strong coping skills to put it back on whoever disagrees, to make them wrong, to make them feel awkward, you see, that is how they get you to be quiet. and i have. been quiet. it is part of what locks me up at times.
the only exception i experience is when the issue relates to my children. topics that involve the treatment, care, or parenting of my children, i have a voice, and i feel confident and (a bit more) fearless…my internal critic, the one that tells me most conflicts are because of me, he recedes and i stay present, and firm with what i want for them, what i expect, what i will and will not tolerate…end of story. there is a obvious distinction from issues that involve just me (even in business) and i observe my strength.
a new goal is to to cultivate this strength and determination for my own life, business, relationships and encounters.
it’s not to say that i don’t feel drained from exerting my voice, because i do. yet, if the topic is my children, i don’t reel over it, and question myself in useless detail about whether what i am asking for, or how i’m asking for it is valid.
lil ones deserve to be protected…respected….their mind, their bodies, their souls and their spirits…THAT is one important and never wavering value i have.
now, as a mom, i certainly have my moments when i lose my patience or overlook something and have to clean it up with AJ & G….i want to model humanity to them….to show them that big people make mistakes and it’s ok to own it, that they deserve apologies too.
for some reason, this is important for me to share here. it’s a delicate balance having a blog that illustrates my profession, and to also share personal stuff…and yet my personal stuff is intertwined with what i do and the underlying relationships are key elements in my daily life and work.
a theme this year….my voice, my authority, my power…even writing that makes me cringe. like, what Jana? you think you have power? who do you think you are?
i have to learn to be more comfortable with using my voice. you see, when I was in Corporate America it was easier to play that role—to enforce the policies and procedures for the companies i represented. it’s much more difficult and emotionally dicey for me in representing my own business…not just my business, but my passion….something i put my heart and soul into. every decision, every layout, material selection, piece of furniture, accessory, every everything that i encounter in design is important to me and taken very seriously.
do not be mistaken though…i equally value the wants, needs, preferences, and interests of my clients. but that is really for another post. this is more my sharing of a personal struggle, on a variety of fronts, related to me having a voice in my life in work and in play.
so, here’s to using your voice. i’d love to hear your experience with having a voice, in life, love, work, parenting, whatever. is this easy for you or do you struggle too? if you do, what have you found helpful? it truly helps me and warm my heart when you share your experience here.
image by: unknown (will source).
A quiet, quaint and cozy fort…time to connect with friends old and new…these are things I am wishing for. Gone are the days where personal freedom was simple, a colorful growing family does that….creativity is important in my work and in my personal life, in carving out opportunities to rejuvenate my soul…doesn’t this space seem so perfect for a lil respite…an overnight stay…it would be lovely to hear you knock and stop in for iced tea and shared laughter.
